Jake’s Toy Guide

There are many dog toys that claim to be “indestructible”. They do not know me. (I am an expert at destroying things.) Some toys also say that they provide “hours of fun”. That must be calculated in dog years. (Let’s see, 1 hour, divided by 7, equals…hmmmm…carry the 3…well, not very long.)

So here is my guide to dog toys, with a handy five-paw rating system. Have fun!

yellow squeaky ball

Yellow Squeaky Ball

Human name: Toy Shoppe Rubber Baseball

Rating: five paws

My favorite toy in the whole world! It makes a sound like a duck! Sometimes I just sit and squeak it. Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. My human has more than one of these, because I would be very sad if I ever lost it. (The backup yellow squeaky ball is actually blue, but I can’t see colors, so that is OK.) Most squeaky toys are easy to destroy, but this one is not.

Where to fetch it
See it in action

bouncy ball

Bouncy Ball

Human name: Hyperdog Tennis Ball

Rating: four paws

There are many different kinds of bouncy balls. My human doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on them, though, because I lose them all the time. But the cheap ones are very easy to destroy (it only takes a couple bites to crack them open). This kind of bouncy ball is not too expensive, but strong enough that I can’t destroy them right away. They also stay bouncy longer than the cheap ones. Of course, the best bouncy balls are the ones that humans use to play tennis with. Those would be very expensive if my human bought them new, but she found a place called the “university tennis center” that sells bags of used bouncy balls. Very fun!

Where to fetch it: Target
See it in action

super thrower

Super Thrower

Human name: Chuckit Retriever Toy

Rating: four paws

Even though this is not a toy directly for me, it is a very fun thing! It lets my human throw a bouncy ball vey far! We play with it at the dog park. My human lifts the super thrower, and then whips it forward, and then! The bouncy ball goes flying out, and I run run run!

Where to fetch it
See it in action

giant crazy purple ball

Giant Crazy Purple Ball

Human name: Jolly Ball Push-n-Play 14″

Rating: four paws

A very fun toy, especially for dogs that like to herd things. It is too big to bite, and too hard to destroy. I bark at it and chase it until I have herded it into the corner. My human usually keeps it hidden in the closet, because I go a little crazy when I see it.

Where to fetch it
See it in action

fuzzy bone

Fuzzy Bone

Human name: Tuffies Ultimate Stone Bone

Rating: three paws

This is a fun toy, and not easy to destroy! My buddy Brusca had one of these, but since she is not a “playing” kind of dog, Brusca’s human let me have it. Eventually, when I was able to tear that one up, my human got me another one. I like to chew through one end so I can rip all the stuffing out of it, and then push the empty “shell” around with my nose. Sometimes my human puts a bone or some other treat inside the shell, and then laughs while I push it around, trying to get the treat. She shouldn’t sit there laughing, she should help me get it!

Where to fetch it
See it in action

happy fun ball

Happy Fun Ball

Human name: Spot Zap Ball Flash ‘N Sound Dog Toy

Rating: two paws

It flashes! It makes noise! But! Do not chew on happy fun ball, because then it flashes and makes noise forever, and does not stop! A very exciting toy, but it did not last very long.

Where to fetch it
See it in action


Rating System

five paws The best!
four paws Very fun!
three paws Useful to trade for other things
two paws OK until I see a squirrel
one paw Gone in sixty seconds


One comment

  1. Yes, yes, yes to the Jolly Ball! After I thoroughly lubricate it with saliva, I hurl my body over it. shriek at it, and it halts. To reduce a huge, slimy rubber ball into total submission makes my day! Another thing I’ve enjoyed is cornering my Jolly Ball indoors somewhere, preferably on a carpeted surface. I then attempt to dig it into a hole connecting with China. The shredded carpet pretty well insures it won’t escape.

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